Ah, BitTorrent file names and their lack of sensible punctuation, especially when it comes to the secondary titles of “factual” TV shows.
(Disclaimer: This post is in no way intended to encourage people to illegally download content. Natch.)
#1: Rod Stewart Cant Stop Me Now. Maybe not, but I suppose he can still try.
#2: BBC Natural World 2013 Giant Squid Filming the Impossible. I should think for a giant squid – be it of the ‘BBC Natural World 2013’ variety or otherwise – filming anything at all would be impossible enough, let alone having it film another impossible thing. Maybe it’s a selfie…
#3: The Ottomans Europes Muslim Emperors. There’d better be a dash in the real title, else that’s a lot of unclaimed possessives! Or is it a list with the commas removed? “What’s on my shopping list? The Ottomans, Europes, and a few Muslim Emperors.”
#4: Dreaming the Impossible Unbuilt Britain. Well of course it’s unbuilt if it’s impossible.
#5: Smithsonian Kennedys Suicide Bomber. Good name for a band, bad name for a suicide bomber.
Here lies a break in the archive…
#52: Fleming The Man Who Would Be Bond Part 4. I’ll often flem the man who would be Bond. So often in fact that the process falls into four parts.
#53: Saw The Complete Collection. Yeah, I saw it too. All of it.
#54: BBC Who Should We Let In. Not ITV, obviously.
#55: Betty Whites Off Their Rockers. This one I’m going to argue is more grammatical without the punctuation. Provided Betty genuinely knows how to white something off.
#56: John Bishops Australia. Is that a legitimate move in chess?
#57: Tonight How Safe Is Meat. Not as safe as tomorrow night?
#58: The ISIS Storm America On Alert. Should be fine, then, since “The ISIS” are storming America while it’s already on alert.
#59: POV If A Tree Falls A Story of the Earth Liberation Front. Noam Chomsky would love this one, as it’s grammatical but nonsensical.
#60: Hunting the Paedophiles Inside the National Crime Agency. At least they won’t have far to look.
#61: Da Vinci Unlocking The Genius. Nice to hear Leonardo is keeping himself busy, but I wonder whose genius he’s unlocking.
#62: Tonight Addicted To Your Smart Phone. But by tomorrow you’ll be cured.
#63: I Dream of Wires The Modular Synthesizer. You named your modular synthesiser? And why the hell are you dreaming about it?
#64: Those Who Cant. Those who speak hypocritically?
#65: Marvels Agent Carter. I wonder what she’s marvelling at. Whatever it is, it sounds like the beginning of some marvellous prose!
#66: Catfish The TV Show. How does one catfish a TV show?
#67: The Nature Of Things Wolverine Ghost of the Northern Forest. Nope, sorry, I don’t think even Noam Chomsky could get much love out of this one.
#68: Food Truth or Scare Series 1. As much as I’m interested in food truth, I think I’ll opt to scare Series 1.
#69: Join or Die with Craig Ferguson. Craig Ferguson’s dying now? Guess I’d better join, in that case, since I don’t fancy dying with him.
#70: Lulu Something to Shout About. How does one lulu something? (Whether or not it’s worth shouting about.)
#71: Food Unwrapped Favourite Investigations. Food also unwrapped the investigations I didn’t so much care for.
#72: Not Safe With Nikki Glaser. Then perhaps they shouldn’t have let her present the programme.
#73: Special Report-Fighting ISIS. When a dash becomes a hyphen and a special report on the fighting of ISIS becomes the noun “special” employing the skill of “report-fighting” on ISIS.
#74: This Is Life With Lisa Ling. But what’s life without her?
#75: The Real Jekyll and Hyde The Deacon Brodie Story. Anywhere in particular you want me to hide the Deacon Brodie Story? Also, learn to spell while you’re at it. (Come on: you try getting more sense out of this!)
Interlude. Deliberate lack of punctuation in a BitTorrent file name #1: We Bare Bears. Is “bare” being used as a verb or an adjective? The ambiguity is delicious.
#76: Bobs Burgers. Is that like bobbing for apples?
#77: Space Unraveling the Cosmos. Always knew space was bad news for the cosmos… of space.
#78: Four Corners Catastrophic Failure. They could always try five corners and see if it works any better.
#79: Tales From Northumberland with Robson Green. The tales all feature the character “Robson Green”? Or is that a place in Northumberland?
#80: 100k House Tricks Of The Trade. That’s a lot of tricks! (One hundred thousand, for those not in the know.)
#81: The Lady Who Flew Africa The Aviatrix. “Africa the Aviatrix” is a hell of a weird name for an aircraft.
#82: Mt Fuji A World Heritage Site Blessed with Water. One of the criteria of world heritage sites must be that it’s bloody tough for them to get any water, if Mt Fuji is one that’s “blessed” with the stuff. Either that or it’s an instruction of find one such site and “Mt Fuji” it, whatever action that is.
#83: Jamie Private School Girl. ‘Jamie Private’ is the abbreviated name of a school, no?
#84: The Nature Of Things While You Were Sleeping. Is this like Dark City, where the whole world transforms while you sleep?
#85: Augustus and Gwen The Fire and the Fountain. “Gwen The Fire”? Is she a wrestler or something?
#86: Tonight Alcohol How Much Is Too Much. Another nasty one for Noam.
#87: The Fire Breather The Rise and Rage of Donald Trump. Put in a comma where the producers doubtless intended a dash or a colon and you’ve got yourself an intriguing list: Donald Trump’s rise, his rage, and his fire breather. Which is presumably a pet of some description.
#88: Secret History of the Galaxy Transpersonal Psychology Project. I can’t help but now wonder what the “Galaxy Transpersonal Psychology Project” is, and why it should have a secret history.
Interlude: Impressively long BitTorrent file name in need of no punctuation whatsoever #1: Animated Soviet Propaganda From the October Revolution to Perestroika. Nicely done.
#89: Britain on Film Animal Magic. I too would like to hear Britain’s collective views on Film Animal Magic.
#90: Jo Brands Hell Of A Walk For Sport Relief. Glad Jo did that bit of branding on behalf of Sport Relief.
#91: ITV Tonight Care Or Crime. I don’t actually know what it is, but I’ll gladly take “ITV Tonight Care” over crime any day.
#92: Morgan Spurlock Inside Man Education. I have no idea what “man education” is, so I’m glad Morgan Spurlock prepared to get right inside it on my behalf.
#93: The Isle of Saints and Soldiers Lecture. Reckon I’ll just visit the Isle of Saints by myself and let the soldiers do their own lecturing.
#94: Goya Exposed with Jake Chapman. Jake Chapman showing Goya some tremendous support there by likewise taking his clothes off.
#95: 60 Days In Unusual Suspects. I’m not even going to ask!
#96: Tonight Immigration Is Britain Really Full. But tomorrow, immigration will be Britain really empty.
#97: The Vikings Uncovered. That’s not fair: it gets very cold in those Nordic countries.
#98: Ross Kemps Britain. What’s Ross do with Britain after he’s kemped it? (Gives it to Rachel, presumably.)
#99: Lab Rats Elite Force. Elite Force got ratted out by a lab? Bastards!
#100: Tonight Fraud How Safe Is Your Money. Not nearly as safe as with Today Fraud.
To Be Continued… (Yes, really.)