An Unfortunate Absence of Punctuation in BitTorrent File Names: Part 3

bittorrent-06-535x535Ah, BitTorrent file names and their lack of sensible punctuation, especially when it comes to the secondary titles of “factual” TV shows.

Here, then, is the second in a mercilessly ongoing series of quizzical commentaries on the phenomenon. The previous instalments, you’ll recall, appeared here and here.

(Disclaimer: This post is in no way intended to encourage people to illegally download content. Natch.)

#202: It Was Him The Many Murders of Ed Edwards. Yep, he was definitely the many murders of Ed Edwards. That sure is who he was.

#203: Kevin Smith Silent But Deadly. Speaks for itself. Quietly.

#204: Wyatt Cenacs Problem Areas. So, while Wyatt is busy cenacing all those problems areas…

#205: Neanderthals Meet Your Ancestors. There’s every chance they did, but it’s unlikely to happen in the present tense.

#206: Anthony Bourdain Parts Unknown. Is that anything like parting hair?

#207: Eat Well For Less Australia. Is there a way I can eat well while maintaining my current levels of Australia?

#208: Forged in Fire Knife or Death. I like mine forged in fire knife, but I can see the appeal of having it forged in death.

#209: The Challenge Champ vs Stars. I’ll put money on the Challenge Champ to one this one: giant balls of fiery gas make useless fighters.

#210: The Opposition with Jordan Klepper. If they’re with Jordan Klepper, they aren’t much of an opposition.

#211: PBS Trumps Takeover. What a relief! I’d hate for PBS to be privatised.

#212: Grammar Schools Who Will Get In. These grammar schools will only get in once they realise they aren’t a “who”.

#213: Natural World Pangolins the Worlds Most Wanted Animal. The natural world can certainly be cruel to desirable animals, the way it pangolins them.

#214: Unapologetic with Aisha Tyler. But hugely apologetic with other people?

#215: Snoop Dogg Presents The Jokers Wild. LL Cool J, on the other hand, tends to present his jokers domesticated.

#216: Wyatt Cenacs Problem Areas. (Slight return.) Virgil just superglues them.

#217: Earth One Amazing Day. The day on Earth Two wasn’t so great, though.

#218: Marvels Spider Man. Doing some marvelling right along with Daredevil and Agent Carter.

#219: The Bletchley Circle San Francisco. What do they do once they’ve circled it?

#220: In Search of 2018. A show that aired in 2018, thus making its search fairly simple.

#221: Toby Hadoke Moths Ate my Doctor Who Scarf. It takes a special kind of moth to eat a Doctor Who scarf, and the Toby Hadoke moth is it.

#222: Jamie Cooks Italy. A healthy school dinner big enough to feed the whole of England.

#223: Impossible Celebrities. A celebrity edition of the British game show Impossible, or a documentary series about the Kardashians and their ilk?

#224: Towards Tomorrow Robot. I’d much rather walk in the direction of yesterday robot.

#225: Reboot The Guardian Code. Presumably this involved adding a paywall of some description.

#226: Exposed The Case of Keli Lane. Wouldn’t be much of an investigative documentary if they hadn’t.

#227: Big Brothers Bit On The Side. Whose love handles did these oversized brothers bite?

#228: Spaces Deepest Secrets. The greater the depth, the more you need to space those secrets out.

#229: Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Making the Team. We only hear about the successful applicants? Where’s the drama in that?

#230: Mans Greatest Food. Who’s looking after the fabulous food now?

#231: Neil Gaimans Likely Stories. How does one “gaiman” a story, likely or otherwise?

#232: Get a Room with Carson and Thom. Because three separate rooms would be prohibitively expensive.

#233: Lets Eat US. Insistent on that cannibalism point, aren’t they?

#243: Food Fact or Fiction. I’ll opt for fiction, but can I go for a food fact later?

#244: The Great British Bake Off An Extra Slice. Sounds like too much baking happened if an extra slice fell off. Nul points.

#245: Beachfront Bargain Hunt-Renovation. The cheapest hunt-renovation ever to be found at the front of a beach.

#246: Guys Grocery Games. Perhaps the weirdest version of “Snog, Marry, Avoid” ever devised.

#247: Age Gap Love She’s 82 and He’s 39. A little bit of punctuation but not enough, since “Age Gap” surely isn’t the name of a group in love with the respective ages of these two people.

#248: Strictly It Takes Two. Not one, not three, not even four. They’re absolutely strict about this undefined thing needing only two people.

#249: An episode title this time: ‘Kevin Help Us and Ghostman and Robin’. An awkwardly phrased list to be sure, but there’s no doubt who they want Kevin to save.

#250: Warlock’s Cross Script. Partial punctuation, leading to the curious phenomenon of an angry screenplay, as opposed to multiple warlocks walking over said screenplay.

#251: Married at First Sight Happily Ever After. That’s a hell of a lot of conflicting adverbs to inflict on one poor verb! (Or is it a hell of a lot of conflicting adjectives to inflict on one poor noun?)

#252: Who Wants To Be A Millionaire. The Time Lord wants to be rich? (This one’s for all those people who think the question mark is dead.)

#253: Star Wars Resistance. A documentary series about the three people on the planet who’ve never seen Star Wars.

#254: Another episode title, from the series Unearthed: ‘Ramses Buried Treasures’. I’m sure he did, but so what?

#255: Burgers Brew and Que. Not sure what it is to “que”, but it’s lovely that burgers can do that and brew.

#256: Dateline Secrets Uncovered. A “making of” spinoff series of Dateline, presumably, going all behind the scenes and such.

#257: Jesus His Life. “To Jesus” is a legitimate verb now?

#258: Autopsy The Last Hours Of. Yes…? By all means, please continue…

#259: Celebrity SAS Who Dares Wins for Stand Up To Cancer. Just the one celebrity SAS should be daring it win, not “wins”, whether or not said celebrity SAS does this to aid a stand-up comedian in their travel goal to the Tropic of Cancer.

#260: British Made with John Prescott. Pretty sure some DNA would work a lot better. Unless this is some freakish Frankenstein situation involving the decaying remains of John Prescott.

#261: Wyatt Cenacs Problem Areas. (One last time!) While I appreciate Wyatt’s desire to do something about problem areas, is it ultimately destructive “cenac” them? (Could be these are those problem areas proverbially hard to reach.)

#262: Spaces Deepest Secrets. Definitely a good idea to space secrets out – especially deep ones.

#253: Banged Up Teens Behind Bars. A show about young pregnant offenders?

#254: My Little Pony Friendship Is Magic. Whereas my friendship that can be characterised by a significantly larger pony is honestly quite ordinary.

#255: Big Brother Canada. It wasn’t long before he visited little sister Mexico.

#256: Jeremy Wades Dark Waters. Honestly he’d be better off turning some lights on, even if he’s only at wading depth.

#257: John Bishops Ireland. A new chess-based form of international diplomacy.

#258: Diners Drive Ins And Dives. The two latest forms of transport to be driven by diners.

#259: Benefits Brits By The Sea. I give up: what benefits these sea-loving Brits?

#260: The Curse of Oak Island Drilling Down. Wherever it’s headed underground, at least Oak Island’s curse is leaving.

#261: 30 Minute Meals. Always good to learn a few quick recipes, especially when they only take a minute to prepare. Learning thirty of them is better still. But do they have to be so small?

#262: Lego Masters AU. It’s very clever Lego indeed that can master an abbreviation for a country.

#263: Nate and Jeremiah By Design. I prefer my Nates and Jeremiahs unintentional.

#264: Benefits Britain Life on the Dole. ‘Britain life’ must be akin to pond life – i.e. life in a Britain – but that doesn’t explain who benefits it while it’s on the dole.

#265: Little People Big World. I’m all for turning a noun into a verb when it’s purposeful, but that still doesn’t tell me which world these little people are, erm, bigging…

#266: Mexico One Plate At A Time. My preference is to Mexico more frequently, otherwise dinner doesn’t get served.

#267: To Have and the Hold Charlotte. While this is beginning to sound like ownership of a human being, “Charlotte” might be a nickname for someone’s tactile response toy.

#268: Talking Tom and Friends. One must assume Tom’s friends do not likewise speak.

#269: WWE Original Specials Triple H Road To Wrestlemania. For those times you need someone to “special” not just any road to Wrestlemania but the Triple H one, the last person you want to involve is someone who’s more recently joined the WWE team. No, you want a WWE original!

#270: Howie Mandels Animals Doing Things. Sounds like a clear case of animal cruelty, regardless of what’s involved in mandelling an animal.

#271: People Magazine Investigates Cults. A fortunate absence of punctuation this time. The title, even as an uninterrupted stream of words, does what it says on the box.

#272: Paranormal Caught On Camera. Probably a promise the show’s producers can’t keep.

#273: Thatcher A Very British Revolution. A documentary about the first wave of British punk, no doubt. As cultural revolutions go, it was very definitely Thatchered in 1979.

#274: Into The Wild Colombia. Surely there are parts of Colombia that are considered tame!

#275: Malibu Rescue The Series. That was very nice of them, and I’m sure the series is grateful.

#276: Americas Got Talent. When did they get that, then? Around the time Columbus arrived?

#277: Kids Behind Bars Life Or Parole. Not sure what “bars life” is, but it doesn’t surprise me that kids would be behind something so grammatically awkward. Didn’t realise they were responsible for the parole system too!

#278: Forbidden Dying For Love. But permissible dying is for other purposes?

#279: Death at the Mansion Rebecca Zahau. Peculiar name for a mansion.

#280: 90 Day Fiancé The Other Way. There’s more than one way to be a 90-day fiancé? Wouldn’t you just… be a fiancé for 90 days?

#281: Paid Off With Michael Torpey. What kind of cryptocurrency is Michael Torpey?

#282: Bake Off The Professionals. But serve the amateurs raw.

#283: Awake The Million Dollar Game. Actually, it’s awaken, but either way I think we should leave the million dollar game asleep.

#284: Cars That Rock With Brian Johnson. When Brian isn’t in the room, the cars tend to settle down.

#285: Major League Wrestling Fusion. This isn’t one of your pipsqueak fusions, no. This is a seriously major league fusion. Of wrestling and… yeah, umm.

#286: Andrew Denton Interview. Seems like there’s nothing wrong with this one, until you realise it’s Andrew Denton doing the interviewing.

#287: Tones Drones and Arpeggios The Magic of Minimalism. Not sure what this Tones person has against minimalism and its magic, but it must be pretty severe if he wants to drone and arpeggio it.

#288: Hometown A Killing. Then they went on to kill Hometown B, Hometown C…

#289: Dr Jeff Rocky Mountain Vet. With a name like that, I bet this Jeff guy knew from an early age what kind of doctor he was destined to become. (The less said about his two middle names, the better.)

#290: Unidentified Inside Americas UFO Investigation. Well, have they actually looked inside the investigation? They might be able to identify it if they did.

#291: Bungo Stray Dogs. Surely a criminal act!

#292: Nick Stellino Storyteller In The Kitchen. There’s no other kind of storyteller I’d rather have in my kitchen than a nick stellino storyteller.

#293: Go Fish With Will Millard. An instruction to angle, or an invitation to a card game?

#294: Surfing Australia TV. You’ll need a decent remote control for that.

#295: Perfect Storms Disasters That Changed The World. Don’t know who goes by the arguably arrogant name “Perfect”, but if they’re storming world-changing disasters, maybe it’s deserved.

#296: Katie Price My Crazy Life. Go on, then, Katie: price it. Price my crazy life. Tell me what it’s worth.

#297: Man Fire Food. Out of a cannon?

#298: Forces of Nature With Brian Cox. He actually sits them down at a table for an interview and a nice dinner.

#299: Londons Great Bridges Lighting The Thames. I’m glad something’s lighting the Thames, but does the light reach those parts of the river nowhere near London’s bridges?

#300: Wife Swap NZ. What did she swap it for?

To Be Continued… (Yes, I still mean it!)

One thought on “An Unfortunate Absence of Punctuation in BitTorrent File Names: Part 3

  1. Pingback: An Unfortunate Absence of Punctuation in BitTorrent File Names: Part 4 – vikileaks

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