An Unfortunate Absence of Punctuation in BitTorrent File Names: Part 4

bittorrent-06-535x535Ah, BitTorrent file names and their lack of sensible punctuation, especially when it comes to the secondary titles of “factual” TV shows.

Here, then, is the second in a mercilessly ongoing series of quizzical commentaries on the phenomenon. The previous instalments, you’ll recall, appeared here and here (oh, and here).

(Disclaimer: This post is in no way intended to encourage people to illegally download content. Natch.)

#301: Scream The TV Series. Okay: “THE TV SERIES!!!!!!!” Nope, doesn’t translate well on the page.

#302: Say Yes To The Dress Atlanta. Why are the makers of this show so keen to receive Atlanta’s approval of the dress?

#303: Pointless Celebrities. Do they only get Kardashians on the show?

#304: No Good Nick. In that case, is there a bad Nick in the show?

#305: Penn and Teller Fool Us. They often do, but that isn’t the point of the show.

#306: WW2 Battles For Europe. And the Pacific region. That war definitely battled for the Pacific region too.

#307: New Zealand Today. And tomorrow, the world!

#308: The Channel Tunnel Life on the Inside. What, exactly, is this channel tunnel life on the inside of? I’d guess it’s the Channel Tunnel, but I don’t want to be presumptuous.

#309: When Goes Horribly Wrong. Kind of like that sentence?

#310: Al Murrays Great British Pub Quiz. Al really needs to stop doing that, or the British pub quiz might stop being great.

#311: Straight Up Steve Austin. Not sure what they’re putting there, but at least it’s direct.

#312: High Society Cannabis Cafe. Meanwhile, the plebs are left with nowhere to smoke their weed.

#313: Serial Killer With Piers Morgan. Good place to put one.

#314: Ben Fogle New Lives In The Wild. Thanks for telling us where Ben Fogle New lives.

#315: Wu-Tang An American Saga. What a horrible thing to do to an American saga!

#316: Best Walks With A View With Julia Bradbury. Is there a sister show about walks that don’t have a perspective on Julia Bradbury?

#317: Good Talk With Anthony Jeselnik. The implication being that it’s bad talk without him? (Maybe it’s just describing how the talk went.)

#318: Patriot Act with Hasan Minhaj. Which exact patriot is performing with Hasan Minhaj?

#319: Beyonce Presents Making The Gift. Surely the presents are the gift.

#320: In Search Of 2018. We’ve been here before, but as the show entered its second year with 2018 is behind us, the search became meaningful again – if a little pointless in a show airing in 2019.

#321: The Nature Of Things With David Suzuki. This must be appreciably different from the nature of things when Suzuki isn’t around, since the show is up to its 59th season.

#322: Street Outlaws Memphis. That street has some serious judicial powers!

#323: Stories from the Dark Earth Meet the Ancestors Revisited. How can a story meet anyone? And by whom have the ancestors been revisited?

#324: 90 Day Fiance Before the 90 Days. So… not anyone’s fiancé?

#325: Deadline Crime with Tamron Hall. Tamron forgot to return her library books on by the due date?

#326: Bake Off Creme De La Creme. The cream of creams is the sort of thing that can just be baked right off, is it? No need for pre-soaking?

#327: Live PD Wanted. What happens when they get their live PD?

#328: Truth About Murder with Sunny Hostin. Murder involving anyone else will only be lied about.

#329: Love Island Australia. I also love that it’s a continent, but its status as an island makes it equally lovable.

#330: The Met Policing London. As it’s the Met who are tasked with policing London, I’d hardly expect it to be anybody else.

#331: Off the Grid On the Beach. Are we allowed to be any any grids that aren’t beach-proximal?

#332: Building off the Grid. Assuming the same production team as #331, this structure is unlikely to be on a foundation of sand.

#333: Babies Their Wonderful World. Who isn’t treating someone else’s wonderful world with sufficient maturity?

#334: Greatest Events of World War II in HD Colour. All the lesser events of World War II, particularly those that took place in monochrome, will get their own separate TV programme.

#335: Hip Hop The Songs That Shook America. Is this going to be some sort of genre-bending exercise?

#336: Lost Cities with Albert Lin. Does that make Albert lost too?

#337: Gold Rush White Water. Then White Water goes to hospital to gets its injuries looked at, and Gold are arrested for aggravated assault.

#338: High School Musical The Musical The Series. This is just getting silly.

#339: Beyond Wrestling Uncharted Territory. Is that where we just double back to the charted territory of wrestling?

#340: Rip Off Britain Holidays. Yeah, you remember Rip. He’s that guy off that show – you know, Britain Holidays.

#341: Shocking Emergency Calls UK. That is a shocking emergency if it’s capable of phoning a whole country.

#342: Tutankhamun with Dan Snow. He must be well preserved! (Dan Snow, that is.)

#343: Craig Ross Jrs Monogamy. Having never heard of the verb ‘to jr’, I’ll pass on deciding what Craig’s going to poor monogamy.

#344: Garth Brooks The Road I’m On. He’s very tolerant, is Garth, of this road.

#345: The Coroner I Speak For The Dead. How does one ‘speak’ a coroner, be it for the dead or otherwise? Is it some sort of weird tone poem?

#346: How To Spend It Well At Christmas With Phillip Schofield. Whatever ‘it’ is, what are my chances of spending it well at the Christmas I’ll be going to, where Phillip Schofield definitely won’t be around?

#347: Monty Dons American Gardens. It can’t be easy to wear one of those, let alone multiple.

#348: 999 Killer On The Line. That’s probably why he’s called the 999 Killer, if he’s always calling 999 when he kills.

#349: Cosmos Possible Worlds. There are worlds that might have entire cosmoses in them? Why wasn’t this in the news?

#350: Russell Howards Home Time. Not sure what effect that has on home time, but perhaps Russell ought to stop it.

#351: Torn From The Headlines New York Post Reports. Just don’t expect to see anything torn from the headlines that paper doesn’t report.

#352: All Girls Garage. Pretty sure I know a few girls who don’t garage.

#353: Tutankhamun With Dan Snow. (Slight Return) Is this like a chat show or something?

#354: Reasons to be Cheerful with Matt Lucas. I want the Top #10 for being cheerful when he isn’t around.

#355: Good People With George Sakamoto. Do they turn nasty when he leaves?

#356: A Very British Murder with Lucy Worsley. So… she dunnit?

#357: Bake Off The Professionals. I prefer to pan-fry my professionals.

#358: SyFy Wires The Great Debate. In this day and age they couldn’t email it?

#359: Unidentified Inside Americas UFO Investigation. What’s the level of identification like outside this investigation?

#360: Paranormal Caught On Camera. A promise the show in question is unlikely to keep.

#361: Down To Earth With Zac Efron. Why did I go into outer space with him in the first place?

#362: Accident Suicide or Murder. Those accident suicides are the worst kinds.

#363: Connected The Hidden Science Of Everything. Who did this?

#364: Gok Wans Easy Asian. I don’t care about his sex life, what’s he cooking?

#365: George Clarke’s National Trust Unlocked. It’s the National Trust. Pretty sure it ain’t just George’s.

#366: Love Your Weekend With Alan Titchmarsh. Yeah, it was pretty awesome, but I think I’ll spend next weekend with Miriam Margolyes.

#367: Ghosted Love Gone Missing. Any other kind of love and it probably wouldn’t matter, but ghosted love…? Uh-uh.

#368: Spaces Deepest Secrets. Can’t have those secrets – particularly the deepest ones – too close together.

#369: The Romantics and Us With Simon Schama. No offence to Simon, but I’d rather we were with the romantics.

#379: Mysteries of the Universe Our Solar System. The greatest mystery is why they think our solar system is the entire universe.

Interlude. Unfortunate presence of punctuation in a BitTorrent file name #1: Ainsley’s Food We Love. No he isn’t.

#380: Inside Animal A and E. Unfortunately the endoscope broke down before they could examine animals B, C or D.

#381: The FBI Declassified. So now everyone will know the FBI is a thing?

#382: Flipping 101. (Mild, old-fashioned English expletive alert.) Yeah, I hate introductory classes too.

#383: Enslaved with Samuel L Jackson. I’d like to hope Mr Jackson isn’t actually enslaved, but given the way things are in the United States at the moment…

#384: Eating History. Not sure if this is meant to refer to the act of digesting bit of the past, or just a record of what someone confused over their lifetime.

#385: Carmel Who Killed Maria Marta. One of those ‘does what it says on the box’ murder mysteries, eh?

#386: Ugly House To Lovely House With George Clarke. Surely it’s not the addition of George Clarke alone that removes a house’s ugliness.

#387: Random Acts Black History Month. Not sure how a person can act an entire month, but if anyone can do it, Random can.

#388: McFly All About Us. In that case I wish they’d buzz off.

#389: Waterhole Africas Animal Oasis. I hope that isn’t anything like waterboarding.

#390: Expedition With Steve Backshall Unpacked. I’d rather not: he doesn’t sound very prepared.

#391: Egypt’s Great Mummies Unwrapped With Bettany Hughes. She was wrapped too? How did that happen?

#392: James Martin’s Saturday Morning. He can have it.

#392: The Thames: Britain’s Great River With Tony Robinson. A narrower definition of the Thames than I’ve seen before.

#393: Rick Stein’s Cornwall. Has he bought the whole county?

#394: Elvis By The Presleys. Who put him over there?

#395: BBC Handmade in Africa. Outsourcing taken to extremes.

#396: Cornwall and Devon Walks with Julia Bradbury. When did Devon take up walking?

#397: Celebrity Best Home Cook. Which famous person will do the ultimate job of cooking your house?

#398: Codename Kids Next Door. Across the street we’ve got kids with regular names.

#399: Secret Safari Into The Wild. The latest adventures of the previous domesticated Secret Safari.

#400: Life Below Zero Northern Territories. Working title: ‘Life Above All Northern Territories’.

To Be Continued… (Yes, I still mean it!)

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